I gave up going to Church for lent – not intentionally – we just did not manage it. Here in the desert the weekend is on Friday and Saturday. Though the church has services on both days we have chosen to go on a Friday. We alternate between 10 am and 3 pm – the latter mainly when I have had to read. Hmm.. reading or being a lector – that’s another thing that I have given up- well not officially – I sent an email to the co-ordinator saying that I had to temporarily stop and I’ve not reestablished contact.
At the beginning of lent I was feeling very disillusioned and said to God that I think I sacrifice enuff being out here and can’t see why I should give anything else up. You’re probably surprised that I hadn’t been struck by lightning – not as much as me.
After that terrible-twos type tantrum, I remembered the encouragements which first started when I was a teenager, that instead of giving something up to do something more. So I refocused on my chosen word for the year -Trust and meditated on verses that include this word. I prayed and I practiced silence in the presence. I sought out inspiring messages while others came to me serendipitously.
I realized that a lot of my struggles have been about my religion and its practices so I stopped judging myself and others about these and focused on my faith. The last few weeks I have experienced some intense moments and have had answers to prayers that had made my knees sore.
I have had to step out in faith big time with a particular proposition, trusting my ‘heart-know’ (otherwise known as gut feel) when my brain was screaming logic. I feel so blessed to say that I passed that test as it was a repeat of a lesson that I had failed spectacularly on several prior occasions.
On Easter Sunday, I went to mass and though I could feel the critical spirit rising in me, by grace, I was able to concentrate on the importance of the message. I’d had a very different but unique wilderness experience. My time in the desert continues to surprise and teach me.
And no I don’t have any regrets for going to see Sean Paul (SP) on Good Friday.
Yep once again I’m posting on a Monday and it’s my Dad’s birthday – so across the oceans and the wires – Happy Birthday Daddy!
What’s your Lenten lesson?
Thank you Suz for sharing. I do not have a lenten message but reading your last few pieces made me recognise the significance of the number 40. In the bible it seems to represent trials and testing also to me it seems to be the point of change. The sean Paul concert sounds like it was great, hope you took pictures x
Thanks for comment. 40 is very significant – Noah and raining for 40 days, The Israelites wandering around for 40 years. SP is not a brilliant performer – but the lime was great! Photos? Me? No!