I gave up going to Church for lent – not intentionally – we just did not manage it. Here in the desert the weekend is on Friday and Saturday. Though the church has services on both days we have chosen to go on a Friday. We alternate between 10 am and 3 pm – the latter mainly when I have had to read. Hmm.. reading or being a lector – that’s another thing that I have given up- well not officially – I sent an email to the co-ordinator saying that I had to temporarily stop and I’ve not reestablished contact.
At the beginning of lent I was feeling very disillusioned and said to God that I think I sacrifice enuff being out here and can’t see why I should give anything else up. You’re probably surprised that I hadn’t been struck by lightning – not as much as me.
After that terrible-twos type tantrum, I remembered the encouragements which first started when I was a teenager, that instead of giving something up to do something more. So I refocused on my chosen word for the year -Trust and meditated on verses that include this word. I prayed and I practiced silence in the presence. I sought out inspiring messages while others came to me serendipitously.
I realized that a lot of my struggles have been about my religion and its practices so I stopped judging myself and others about these and focused on my faith. The last few weeks I have experienced some intense moments and have had answers to prayers that had made my knees sore.
I have had to step out in faith big time with a particular proposition, trusting my ‘heart-know’ (otherwise known as gut feel) when my brain was screaming logic. I feel so blessed to say that I passed that test as it was a repeat of a lesson that I had failed spectacularly on several prior occasions.
On Easter Sunday, I went to mass and though I could feel the critical spirit rising in me, by grace, I was able to concentrate on the importance of the message. I’d had a very different but unique wilderness experience. My time in the desert continues to surprise and teach me.
And no I don’t have any regrets for going to see Sean Paul (SP) on Good Friday.
Yep once again I’m posting on a Monday and it’s my Dad’s birthday – so across the oceans and the wires – Happy Birthday Daddy!
What’s your Lenten lesson?