Sankofa 3: Redefining the dream

We’ve been in Doha over 2 years and in that time my husband has had little income. I’m thinking of running off to join Cirque Du Soleil – so adept have I become at juggling not just finances but also my emotions and our expectations.

I cry often but not as much as I used to. When feelings of resentment, unfairness or jealousy well up: I acknowledge the feelings, I observe the feelings, I feel the feelings, I choose to release them and I read my gratitude list. Sometimes I add to it. Sometimes I can’t so I just re-read it and take pleasure in the memories that the statements evoke.

I know that there are pros and cons to every situation. Despite my ever-increasing gratitude list, sometimes I can’t help but feel that I have traded in all the positives of living in the UK for the negatives of living in Qatar.

You’ll ask, ‘what about the beach?’ I say I grew up in the Caribbean.

You’ll ask, ‘what about the diverse cultures?’  I say I Iived in London and at our wedding we did not serve pork, beef or shellfish and had vegan and vegetarian options.

You’ll say, ‘what about the terrific schools?’ – As a conscientious Mass-attender for years, my little one was guaranteed a place at the local RC primary.

There is a lot of anger and frustration with plans torn asunder and dreams delayed.  This is why I started my gratitude list, regularly update it and carry it with me everywhere. So I do count my blessings, but they are more elusive and implicit.

My husband has been able to spend a lot of time with our son, so there won’t be any regrets so familiar of fathers when their kids have grown up. He’s very good at networking, has an impressive business card collection and even had a few chats/interviews, but no job offers – yet.

As for me, work is less pressurized so I mostly work a 40 hour week and often manage a one hour lunch break with colleagues. There are more hours between home time and bedtime, so I have more time to cuddle, kiss and tickle my son until his laughter infects me. Other times I’m ‘Vilgax’ and he’s ‘Ultimate Echo Echo’ and he ‘dies’ me. I am also re-exploring my creative side mainly through being a member of the DM writers’ group and creating my blog.

The last word belongs to my husband who’s been exploring the entrepreneur route, which was one of his post-MBA goals, with a few friends and as such is a founding member of QSports Leagues.  So, to quote the words of Derek Trotter aka Del Boy (go on, Google it), maybe ‘this time next year, Rodney, we’ll be millionaires!’

Have you had to redefine your dreams? How did you do this?



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