I am turning to you as a last resort though I know you should be my first port. In the past I have tried to deal with getting fit on my own strength and only cried out to you when I needed a quick fix.
I so want quick fixes because I am so very impatient. So at my lowest and possibly my ‘unfittest’ I turn to you as Healer, Provider and my Tower of Strength.
I am accepting my weight as a trial set by you. It is also a mountain I have been around many times, almost as long as those refugees fleeing Egypt so many years ago.
I surrender: thoughts of unfairness and it won’t work; all past failures and mistakes; all future trips and slips; and all comparing myself to others.
I surrender: the time pressure around it and pray for detachment from the outcome. I know that the process and the journey is as, if not more, beneficial than the outcome.
I surrender: the temptations and accusations that will creep up in my conscience and try to sway me from this path.
I recognise that this will take more time than I want it to. Your timing is not mine.
I recognise I will have to surrender these and more, several more times.
I recognise that I am dying as I write these words.
This bold decision is like a spoon stirring the cauldron that is my emotions: the fear of failure and of success; and envy at those with magical metabolisms or lifestyles that allow access to the luxury gyms of the Marriot or Sheraton.
I did check out the Oryx Rotana hotel with its 24 hour gym. I enquired about a 3 month membership and personal training 2 days a week. I even asked if the trainer could do 5 am in the morning. They have not gotten back to me and its just as well – it was fanciful thinking as it would cost £2k which is £2k more than I have at the moment.
Lord you know I have my doubts whether Waves is right for me because it seems too low intensity. But I am so desperate I want to give it chance.
You also know that I am an all or nothing kind of person. Please help me to see that if I do this there is nothing stopping me from doing additional exercise.
Last time, I think, no I know that I gave up just before my dawn, please help me to remember that though weeping may endure for a night, joy cometh in the morning.
I wrote this prayer last week, before going out to sign up with a women-only gym which I will refer to as Waves. The last time I tried to join this gym was 18 months ago. I’ll fill you in on how it went next week, InshAllah.
Have you abandoned a dream or a goal because of disappointment?
Is there an abandoned dream or goal that you feel you need to return to?